never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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