You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
