I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
