My hand turned me down
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
