Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
