Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Slut skills are useful in every country.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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