i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
