Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
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