I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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