forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Randomize
