We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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