You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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