I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Randomize
