I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
