Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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