He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Randomize
