he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
