I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
