Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Randomize
