forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize