I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I can't trust your balls anymore.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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