: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I just pynch a tree in the face
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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