He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Randomize
