i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
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