matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
