she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize