it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
