How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
