there's paper in my vomit.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Randomize
