That's intense
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
