I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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