he shaved USA in his pubs
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
