Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
