The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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