woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
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