I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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