I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
