My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
