No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Randomize
