No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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