I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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