I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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