Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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