Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
