i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
