Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Randomize
