I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
