I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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