Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
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