remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
