my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
