hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Randomize
