There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
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