Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
