And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
