like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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