I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
