seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
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